My Mom, mine, all mine.

By Anonymous, 22.

Credit: My Love Mine All Mine, Mitski.

Mitski's new song, My Love Mine All Mine, has been helping me realize something about my relationship with my mom.

Recently my mom had BBL surgery, and I respect her for that because God knows that's painful. Beauty truly is pain. I know my mom had her surgery because she did not feel comfortable with her body, and when she wore things she liked she didn't feel pretty. I know she did this surgery for her and I respect her for that. I love my mom, she's always been a strong person everyone knows that in the family. She has been supporting our family and grandparents and and some other family for 20 years now and still hasn't stopped.

Recently, my grandpa passed away and it affected my mom the most because my grandpa was my moms favorite person, it was her dad after all. He was so good to her, he took care of her money and properties and took care of all her things back in our country. He protected everything she had there and always told her, "don't worry I'm saving up your things here for when you come you can live a good life with no struggle, you deserve it", my grandpa was so grateful to her and he always let her know and supported her on her ideas. When he passed away ,my mom was so sad, and I think she got scared too. She started to do the things she always wanted to do without postponing it like before.

She started to put herself first, I like that. She started to finally live for her self. I'm proud of her, and once again, I am seeing her like the GOD she is. I have always seen my mom as a God not a human. My mom is divine, and can do everything. So, in truth, it broke my heart when she got plastic surgery and I saw her in pain. I have never seen my mom like this for this long. In pain and needing help to walk and eat and go to the restroom. But I know that its okay because she will be fine after sometime, and she will feel good with herself. There's a weird feeling I have when I see her like this, Im sad because she's in pain, I'm proud, I'm worried because she's sick and in pain, I'm mad because why didn't she think about this for long before doing it. But most of all, I am worried for her well being. So all of this is for her, she wants to feel good and I will support her on her decision.

Additionally, my stepdad has been helping her on her recovery the whole time and I'm grateful to him for that. But the other day, our family got together and they were talking and saying jokes when they started making jokes about my mother's surgery. It made me furious. My stepdad said something about how he was waiting for her body to heal for 3 months, and how after the 3 months she "better be ready". Everyone of the grown ups (30-50) were laughing. My mom gave a small chuckle and a faint smile, but didn't say anything. I wanted to say something, but I didn't. I felt like he had made my mom seen weak and vulnerable and like he humiliated her and her procedure. I felt like when he said that, he had made her seem like everything she did she did it to please him and everything he was going through helping her and she was going through pain and emotional burden. Everything she was suffering was for him, to please him or make him happy and not herself like it really was. I was going to insult his mom because he had just done that to mine. But I didn't because I know my mom would say I'm rude to my elders and that I need to shut up because I didn't know what I'm taking about. That he's good to her and has been helping her a lot and has had patience for her. She's sick and I didn't want to make her mad and make things difficult for her with him. I didn't want them to fight because of what I said. A lot of things would have happened, not just to me, if I decided to start that fight and I didn't want my mom my brother and my sister to suffer the consequences. But in the end my mom still got insulted and I stayed quiet as the coward I am for not saying anything. I went to work that day and listened to Mistki's "my love mine all mine" and I thought about my mom. About how my brother and sister are my moms, my love mine all mine, about how my mom was my grandpas, my love mine all mine. And how she's my love mine all mine.

I don't know if that song is taking about a lover in a romantic way, but when I listen to it I take it as the love I have for my mom. Not in a romantic way, but in a way you love ur mom bc she's ur mom. I hope my mom keeps making decisions for herself, I hope she recovers quickly and puts herself always first than all her family and friends and anybody. I hope she becomes a hot girl and lives her best life for herself because she most of all deserves it. I hope she leaves whatever and whoever is bothering behind. I know my stepdad has had a hard life too and my mom is not all saint too but I hope each find their own way and become their happiest self even they are not together or they are. Men are sometimes so heartbreaking, and I just ranted here because I was just hoping somebody would understand and say "me too, girl. Me too". There is more - so much information I am missing, but I'm not sure if I should write everything.